Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
