my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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