He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
