Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
