i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
