put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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