How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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