the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
