It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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