ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
