That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Come on in and take your pants off
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
