Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
