I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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