Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
