you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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