oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
