Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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