I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
