Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
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i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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