During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i've created a new STD.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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