sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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