i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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