I'm jealous of your bromance
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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