You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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