I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
