Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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