he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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