My liver just broke up with me...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Houston, we have a squirter
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
