If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
