Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Randomize
