yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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