You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just high enough for therapy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
