oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
