Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
