You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just pee around me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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