For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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