I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
