i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize