I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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