I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
