I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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