using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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