I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
