Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize
