thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
