Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
