how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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