I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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