If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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