Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
