He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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