Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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