Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
