i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
