i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
