I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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