just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
