Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Randomize
