He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
