I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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