I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
