Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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