chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
