are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
